Memory Banking

I took a canoe ride and a walk along a back trail yesterday.  It was a good walk.  When I have a lot of time to myself, I tend to get pretty introspective.  I have wondered with increasing seriousness if this will indeed be the last summer I spend in our home here.  This being the 3rd year that our house is for sale, I have wondered this before.  With increasing certainty, I feel this will be it, regardless of whether we move to Africa or not.  I don't know when God will sell our house.  I don't know why He hasn't done it yet, or even if He will in the way we hope.  It probably won't be the way we expect.  God likes to keep us on our toes!

It really is amazing how beautiful something is when you know it won't be yours forever.  Breathing in the cool, clean air that has a uniquely Alaskan scent of moss, spruce, and swamp decomposition, makes me nostalgic.  Walking through the woods with trees covered in lichen and "Old Man's Beard" moss and being surprised by the bright green patches of wood ferns reminds me how much I will miss.  I know it won't be the same to go for walks with defense items in case I run into a moose mama with her newborn red-haired calf.

When will I ever go back to the house in a canoe across my pond?

These are little gifts of memories that I hope I can enjoy until the time God calls us on to our next adventure!

Whiplash

Isn't it interesting how following God's will for our lives rarely results in the rewards we expect?  I'm reading a book titled Plan B by Pete Wilson that basically is talking about navigating the feelings we have when God doesn't work like we thought or hoped.  Then, non-coincidentally, I am reading in 1 Kings where God doesn't work like those who follow Him thought He would or hoped.

For example, the widow who obediently makes the "last" of her oil and flour into a cake for Elijah first (and consequently never runs out of those two ingredients while Elijah is there), has her son get sick and die.  Surely that wouldn't have happened with a God who really cares, right?  That is some reward.  I can't begin to imagine all that she goes through, though the Bible does give us one of her comments to Elijah, "What do I have to do with you, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my iniquity to remembrance and to put my son to death!" (1Kings 17:18).  I would imagine that she wishes at this moment to have fed her and her son the last of the bread and just died together from starvation rather than feel the anguish of loosing her son this way.

But then, God reveals Himself in a way that could not have been seen without the tragedy; He raises the boy back to life!  Talk about whiplash!  First she goes through the death of her husband, then a famine, then starvation; Elijah shows up and suddenly there is enough food!  Then her son gets sick and even dies; Elijah prays and God restores him!

Just in the next chapter, God calls Obadiah (who has been faithfully following God under the oppressive reign of Ahab and Jezebel, even to the point of hiding 100 prophets and feeding them during the famine) to confront King Ahab, risking his life, to announce that Elijah is there.  Again, not the reward Obadiah expected for his obedience.  His response to Elijah is recorded in 1 Kings 18:13,14.  Basically he tells Elijah about all he's done and surely he isn't expected to do this.  But he is, and he does, and he lives.

As if this isn't enough, Elijah himself, evidently not immune to this whiplash effect, has a mountain-top experience of revealing God through the contest on Mt. Carmel, only to have Jezebel come after him to kill him.  Surely after such a display of God's power, this evil woman could be dispatched by God.  Elijah runs into the wilderness and depressed, prays for God to take his life.  Instead, God sends angels to give him water and bread and let's him recover for a couple days.  After this sustenance, God takes him 40 days/nights into the wilderness to His mountain and reveals himself to Elijah.  They have a conversation where Elijah shares his concerns, and God tells him what to do and how He will divide the burden to others and will give Elijah a protege/helper.

I wonder if this is what Elijah expected.  After seeing God bring down fire to consume a saturated altar, surely He could just do that to all the evil ones.  But He didn't.  God works in His ways to His purposes.  He often takes us along the long paths because as Pete Wilson puts it, "...we often misunderstand something important about God's will - which is that it's often a process, not a final destination."  Pastor Rick Warren also states that "God is more interested in your character than your comfort."

These statements give me mixed feelings.  The knowledge that this refining will be a likely series of processes is a little frustrating, but ultimately I can rest in knowing that God is refining me.  I want to be used by God and this is how He works.  It doesn't all turn out like we think it should here on earth, but it will ultimately turn out just like it should.

As One Devil to Another ~ Book Review and Drawing!

As a fan of C.S. Lewis, I was familiar with this format of one "devil" corresponding to another with a glimpse of what that could possibly look like.  Richard Platt takes this method and does his predecessor proud.  As One Devil to Another opens, we see the plight of a possible demon whose sole purpose is to keep the soul of one woman from falling into God's (the Adversary in the tale) hands.

The tale is exceptional at explaining how Satan could be using today's issues and new norms to cultivate his seemingly winning war against God, specifically in developed cultures.  I was impressed to read the simple and direct line of thinking with regards to technology and sex that clearly shows a direction away from God's Word.  It isn't complicated.  In fact, it's too easy.  Along with these modern issues, Platt also uses this forum to explain a little about the deeper reasons for pain and suffering or loss.  In a humorous way, we see the plight of the demons thwarted by God's grace.

The writing was very easy to follow, though I must admit, I kept thinking there would be a 2-way correspondence, not primarily one.  Once I figured that out, it was pretty smooth sailing.  My only real complaint was with the drawings and the obvious comic bent they provided.  I'm not one to believe there is a demon around every bush, but I don't believe they are little "devils" with horns and a pointy tail.  For whatever reason, this overly-done cartoon view of demons makes me feel like telling the one who does the writing/drawing to be careful, but then again, I have nothing to fear either.

I enjoyed the book and would recommend it to any of my Christian friends.  Especially those who have enjoyed C.S. Lewis.  I am thankful for Tyndale Publishers for providing me with this copy.  If you would like a copy of this from them as well, please comment and I will draw a name to win a certificate for a free copy!  You can simply take the certificate into a Christian bookstore or mail it to them (instructions are on the certificate) and viola!  Don't forget to comment!

Springing Forward...Someday

Spring has finally begun here in the land of the north.  I love my flowers, so it's no surprise that I get excited about the colors and textures that emerge from my basket at the garden center.  Most of this beautification is for me personally, but we are still trying to sell the house, and I hear that flowers help.  Whatever.  

 I'm feeling a bit snarky, and I'm a bit beyond tired of this snow.  It's May.  It clearly didn't get the memo.  I'm *this* close to getting the shovel out and spreading the snow out into the yard.

 I am truly finding joy and excitement (and hope!) in every little face that pops out.  It's a reminder to me that winter does end.  Life does move forward.

 My real frustration is that it seems to happen so much faster for others than for us.  It seems that I continually hear (though this is most likely perception rather than reality) of others selling their house in a matter of minutes!  I really don't doubt that we are on a path that God has ordained, and I feel peace about selling our home, I just don't understand why it is taking so long for God to sell it.  Surely if we are following His leading, we would be rewarded, right?  No.  God never promised anything of the sort.  Dang.
I can see how the time that has passed has brought us to a complete reliance of God in regards to planning.  I think we have looked at about 3 million different properties from Alaska to Kansas, and even areas in between.  We have changed our house plans from a tiny shed/cabin, to a slightly larger cabin, to simply buying a farmhouse.  We've looked at job opportunities in other places and tried to imagine life with much less, and being much more free.
Today we are in limbo with the prospect of moving to Ghana, Africa.  There is a Christian company, Vytrak, which is looking to create a vehicle that is simple and durable for use in Africa.  We are looking into being part of the team to go to Ghana and help set up the manufacturing of these vehicles.  Yes, this is pretty much my husband's forte, but I am pretty versatile as well!
Or, we will do something else.
We really don't know.

In the meantime, I will try to keep myself from resenting others' successful sales of their homes and keep my focus on what is directly in front of me, lest I miss the beauty of new life.

Try.

Revelations

I am not just a little bit excited for the snow to melt here!  I mentioned on my other blog that I could relate to the excitement of the thaw in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe!  I see every tiny change in the landscape that reveals just a little bit more.  

For some reason I find great hope in the ever-enlarging reveals.  I have much more hope this year that our house will sell and we will be moving on to whatever God calls us.  I'm actually having more of a hard time guarding my heart against the possibilities.  The future looks so bright I'm having difficulty living in the present.  I just want to "GO!"  It is so hard to wait for the snow to melt and reveal that which is really there.

Spring Fever!

 I wish I could take credit for these beautiful blooms, but it was my mom who took them at Botanica, the botanical gardens in Wichita, KS.  They are so beautiful!  It gives me hope that spring will come here, too!  I know it will.  It is raining as I write!  Remember those April showers?!

 Spring has never been my favorite season.  I seem to carry this cynicism that takes away from the little moments of life breaking through the cold.  I don't like this about me.  I have always seen spring as a tease; starting to get warm, only to bring in the bleak clouds of rain and more cold.  This feeling was only reinforced when we moved to Alaska and "spring" is called "Break-up."  It is a time where the snow starts to melt and the ice literally breaks up.  The roads are a huge mess and it's muddy, mucky, cold, and wet.  And brown.  Leaves start to emerge in May.  Tulips show up around mid-May here, if they make it past the moose!

 In the past year, I have kept a list of things for which I am thankful.  It was funny because I got a book that had this suggestion and tried to read it, but I couldn't get through it.  Ironically, it was too flowery for me.  I continued my journaling, however, and I am trying to get past my cynicism.  I want to see the beauty in the first blade of grass I see, in the smell of the soil, in the warmth of the sunshine; not sulk that the snow isn't gone yet.  Sometimes I wonder how much I've missed while lamenting all that is not perfect.  I know we were made for a perfect world, but I believe God sends us glimpses of it!

Thanks, Mom, for sending me this one!

Vacation Servitude

 I recently got back from an amazing vacation.
 After being gone to California for a month for work, my husband decided we needed to go on a cruise to celebrate our upcoming 10th Anniversary and reconnect.  We went to the Caribbean on Norwegian and loved it all!  We ate delicious food;

 We enjoyed a variety of wonderful shows;

 And we got to dress up in summer clothes!  That may seem like a silly thing, but to me, this was huge!

 During our time of planning and then enjoying this amazing blessing, I was conflicted off and on.  Was this the right thing to do with our money?  Especially since we are trying to do with less.  Does this make us hypocritical?
I never really resolved these questions entirely, but I have a clear conscious.  Mostly because it's done and I can't change that part.  One thing that we could do on this trip was to make sure we were full of grace throughout.  It was an amazing thing to feel how entitled we felt once we entered this land of luxury.  Any small inconvenience was initially felt as a huge affront to us personally.  I am so glad that Pat took the lead to use these moments to extend grace to others.  It made the trip so much more enjoyable for us, but it also gave us perspective through the trip.  We found ourselves reaching out and wanting to connect with those who were meant to serve us.  We talked as extensively as we could with our Maitre 'D, Assistant Maitre 'D, our waiters, the guest services people, our shore excursion directors, etc.  We learned how difficult it was for them to be away from family, how they met their spouses on the ship, and how they had plans for when they would be done with their contracts!  I left realizing that my goal had been to let them know that I thought they were people and valuable.  I wanted to let them know I cared about them.

I don't know if God wants us to forgo all things that are beyond the necessary, but I do believe we can share His love in everything we do.  This was one place where we felt the push to feel superior to those who were serving us, and we had the opportunity to lift them up.  I am so thankful for a husband who can see how to serve others even in the midst of a vacation!  I can't wait to see how God molds us in the next decade!